I lied on a dating site and said I was a man. I hate what I found out.

As a 23-year-old woman who was interested in how people behave (and, let’s be honest, sometimes just bored and curious), I chose to do a small experiment.

While looking through profiles one night, I had an idea: What if I were a man on this site?

To really find out what it was like from the other side, not just because they were interested. When I made my biography as a man, I chose a normal, non-flashy picture and a short bio. Not any tricks. Just a thought.

What did I find? It was making me feel bad.

1. A Match Town Without People

I’ve always been used to seeing new matches come up pretty often as a woman. There may not be a discussion after every match, but at least someone is interested.

But as a man? Keep quiet.

A lot of days went by with almost no events. I began to think too much about everything: Was the picture bad? Was the bio dull? Did I not swipe enough?

Then it dawned on me: a lot of guys act like this.

Women often get too much attention, but guys have to keep swiping in the hopes of getting a reaction. What began as an experiment quickly became… depressing.

2. The matches that did happen were…

I finally got a match after a lot of swipes. Happiness, relief, and interest.

However, the chat quickly changed direction.

She asked for cash.

At first, they were sneaky, bringing up a tough situation or a vague desire for a “gift” to see if I was serious. But as they talked, it became clearer what she really wanted: she wasn’t interested in the person, just what he could do for her.

This wasn’t just one conversation. Out of the few matches I got, several of the talks had the same tone: they were about making deals.

It made me think about how different things were for me as a woman. Usually, men try to impress, start, or follow, but here, it seemed like the roles were switched.

Read more: Managing Your Dating Life: Advice & Guideline for Success

3. The unfair treatment was very clear

Before this trial, I was annoyed by the way men talked to me in a shallow way, sent me rude texts, or expected something right away.

On the other hand, I saw a different problem:

Dismissiveness and Rudeness: The answers I got were short, not interested, or even mean. It took only three texts for one match to say, “Ugh, you’re boring.”

No Effort—Conversations were mostly one-way. I didn’t get anything back unless I said something very funny or interesting.

Transactional Mindset—Some conversations weren’t even about getting to know each other; they were all about what the guy could do for her.
It was a hard truth to face: the same problems women have with online dating? They happen to some guys too, but in a different way.

4. Men who use dating sites are worn out

Something I didn’t expect to feel by the end of this was empathy.

We talk a lot about how hard it is for women to date online, which is fair, but this made me understand that guys have a different kind of trouble.

Always being turned down

Need to stand out or impress

They feel like they need to “prove” themselves before anyone will take them seriously.

If you don’t know what someone is going through, it’s easy to call them “boring” or “not trying hard enough.” But now that I’ve been through it, I get it.

5. There is no human element.

With swipes, algorithms, and interaction measures, dating today is like a game. The human side got lost somewhere along the way.

For this project, I pretended to be a guy. It made me understand how many of us, both men and women, judge pictures instead of seeing people.

Guys who sent me easy starts or seemed too eager used to make me roll my eyes. But now? I feel like they might have been tired.

What I Learned from This Test?

It wasn’t just a fun test of social skills. It woke me up.

For women: When dating, we’ve worked hard to earn respect, but this made me think: Do we always show that respect? Behaviors like entitlement, dismissal, and being too shallow hurt both sides.

Men, I see you. It can be hard to deal with rejection when you’re online dating. Still, keep coming. Someone will like you for who you are, not what you can do for them.

This is why I will never look at online dating the same way again

I will never look at relationship apps the same way again after this. It showed me that the system has problems, but more importantly, it showed me that behind every identity is a real person who just wants to be seen.

Whether we’re signing off, swiping left, or swiping right, we could all improve on that.

What do you think?

Have you ever thought about what it’s like to date someone online? Or did something change the way you see it? Talk to me in the comments; I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Writing these pieces takes a lot of time, thought, and coffee. If you like my work and want to show your support, please share it, leave a review, or buy me a coffee. It really does keep me going!