It’s time for our discussion on and experience with intimacy to represent women rather than just males.
I am unable of doing it any longer. I see no way to respect the term “foreplay.” I completely object.
Just what the devil is foreplay? Not sex, is it?
Could you maybe explain why we adopted this word? In the 1960s, it became well-known to characterize all the aspects of heterosexual intercourse devoid of a man pushing his penis into his partner’s vaginal cavity. Eventually the term evolved with an agenda: educating males that shoving a dick into a woman the instant you hit the covers usually does not feel pleasant to her, nor will it help her attain orgasm throughout a sexual session.
And I believe it also served to concentrate and affirm the heterosexual experience while devaluating any sexual behavior that deviated from that norm.
I cannot keep acting as if foreplay is not sex as I cannot keep acting as though only penis-in–vagina intercourse is real sex. Does that not look a little…oh, I’m not sure. orientational? Alternatively, maybe more precisely, ph allocentric? Like sex, which doesn’t start until a dick finds a vagina?
Doesn’t it seem a little contempt of women’s experience and pleasure in the bedroom to define sex by the one act most satisfying males and characterize everything else as meaningless “foreplay”?
To be honest here, throughout patriarchal history, virtually everything about sex has centred on men? And even now, the techniques in which we discuss, characterize, define, and assess it almost totally reflect a male perspective.
Look at our language of desire, for example. Since so many guys have written to me in the previous several years complaining their wife has absolutely no sex desire whatsoever, I have been dreading approaching middle age. These guys have not had sex in years, sometimes decades. Once a woman reaches forty, they tell me she loses all interest in sex.
I became confused as well as disgusted. Confused since, if you will pardon my crassness, the most sensual years I have ever gone through in my early forties. Horrified because I desire my sex drive; it has been such a major component of my existence in this body that I cannot comprehend without having it.
I came to see there were probably many causes of these lifeless bedroom situations. Menopause certainly altered some of those women’s libido, but ultimately, there are much more elements involved.
I addressed it in my writing. I looked up information about it. As I approach 50, I have very keenly watched my own changing sex desire.
Then I began to see maybe I had missed the whole purpose all along.
You know what these guys say to me always? The fact that they maintained a “healthy sex drive” into their sixties and seventies has caused their biggest disappointment and grief in life; their spouses no longer feel the same.
Did you find the language there interesting? a normal libido sexual.
Men are determining a “healthy” sex desire by comparing their own libidus with that of their spouses. Perfect ballsy, right?
How do the medical professionals describe a “healthy” libido? Anything that brings about sexual pleasure.
Related post : What do guys “never” tell girls?
You understand what it implies? Get ready for your thoughts to fly. Most of these women that men so frequently discuss with me are probably very content with their sex life (or lack thereof) and their sex urges are, indeed, normal.
Perhaps she made herself more eager to meet her husband’s sexual needs in the early years of her marriage, but in middle age is now joyfully exploring new boundaries about how she wants to sexually engage — or not engage, at all. For the husbands who would argue that their wives used to want to have sex so much more often, so thus, it must be a problem with her body, her libido, I’d offer this for consideration.
That’s, I believe, one of the advantages of middle age for women. At last we discover how to enjoy our sexuality with ourselves rather than men at the center.
you aware of the other things I do? Penetrative sex is a phrase that needs to vanish. Having discussed this earlier, I believe I am ready to make the change.
To be honest, I find it objectionable. I consider it to be forceful. a bit hostile. And wholly focused on a man’s body and experience.
One person is active; the other is inert. Two individuals are having sex. One is acting for the other.
It transforms women’s bodies into a means of men’s enjoyment. anything meant to enable them sexual gratification. A actual sheath for their weapon.
I’m sorry, but I go to bed with a guy to be acted upon by his penis not with men. I welcomed it in, hence if I were to accept a penis into my body, that is why. I let it pass in. I encased it.
Not in response to someone breaking in me. No, hell.
It is twenty23. Why are we still defining sex in a manner that just serves to highlight a man’s viewpoint and renders women as a mere object? Why do we continue to use forceful, controlling language?
Using language implying permission, equality, and mutual enjoyment, “envelopment sex” refers to both sides.
Like the phrase foreplay, I would also like to suggest the retirement of the term “penetrative sex.” Women need to be languaged into the sexual dialogue long ago.
My sex desire has changed dramatically during the last eighteen months, as I said before. It is in some respects incomprehensible to me. It is not “gone,” however, as so many guys informed me it would be.
Though I still experience want and arousal on a daily basis, I absolutely do not feel a need to participate in sexual activities with other people at this time; this is how I choose to experience those emotions that has changed, not my true sex drive.
Should I had a male partner right now, I would probably not desire to have sex as regularly as I formerly did. And he would probably remark the same thing so many guys have informed me: that he still has a good sex desire and I…well, don’t.
Except that I do because a woman’s sex desire does not follow the pattern of a man’s to be “healthy.” Being fulfilled makes my sex desire healthy. I am sexually satisfied. That is exactly what I mean. That is all required to be qualified for “healthy.” myself. Not what a guy understands as sex or healthy sexuality.
Right now in my life, I find myself appreciative of my single state. Since I have nowhere else to squander another second on this. My my life I have been interacting with phallocentric sexuality. Men enjoying their sexuality with themselves at their center is not incorrect; however, it is unacceptable that our society teaches us all that women have to center men in sex, too, or that the way we define and experience sex has to be via the male lens.
We are ready to concentrate ourselves in our own experiences and rewrite the story of sexuality so that it include everyone.
That’s all of me. Thank you for reading!
your support. It really makes a difference.
